Terrorist Trespassers. I’m so scared.

Oh my God. He wrote words on a piece of paper ! Ah, but what words? Terrorist words! Words like ‘Taliban’, ‘Al Qaeda’ and ‘Mujahid’. He must be a terrorist. Quick, everybody run. Quick, pass new laws taking away more of our freedoms. We are not safe.

The FBI tell us Yonathan Melaku, 22, did not have any explosive material in his back pack. That rules out Coca Cola because you know what happens when you shake a can before opening. He did have 20 spent 9mm shell casings but if they try to make that a crime, then the NRA will join the Islamo-fascists. I mean, if you cannot pick up your brass after shooting, what is America coming to? Didn’t Sarah Palin say “reload”. It is the only ecological thing to do.

Hey, what happens if they find radical literature in his home? I can hear it now. “Oh my God. He had 13 pounds of Jihadist brochures. Thirteen pounds!” You know they will announce it as if it were thirteen pounds of C-4. What ever frightens Americans is good. We must not feel safe.

Literature can be dangerous. I believe ‘the pen is mightier than the sword’ but only in countries where people read. America has little to worry about on that front.

Melaku was born in Ethiopia. Oh my God. And we were silly enough not only to let him have citizenship but to let him join the Marines to boot! And you know what they teach you in the Marine Corps. They teach you how to kill. Oh, my God. He is a trained killer. He must be stopped.

He did choose one of the best terrorist training camps. Just ask the survivors in Falluja after the Marines completed urban renewal there in 2005. “We had to destroy the town to save it but at least they’re free now.”

God only knows what would have happened if this dangerous man was not arrested for trespassing. I mean, being in a National Park, what’s more a cemetery, at night, when it is closed. How vulnerable can our country get?

No sooner had the terrorist trespasser been arrested and the criminal police in their white jump suits were searching his home for other possible terrorist trespasses.

And let us not forget he also had three cans of black spray paint in his backpack. Can you imagine the consequences had he got away with his terrorist graffiti attack?

Fortunately, the ‘scare machine’ is there to make sure we are terrified, weary of the shadows and keep our nuclear powered lights on at night.

That’s why we spent a billion dollars so far destroying Libya and our drones are killing thousands of people in places Americans cannot find on a map like Waziristan, Yemen and Puntland. We must thank our brave soldiers of freedom who sit behind their joy-sticks thousands of miles away from their terrorist targets. Fortunately, we just approved five billion dollars to improve our drones so we can kill more people in their home countries before they kill us.

Aren’t we lucky to have a Defense budget of nearly 800 billion dollars? That is half the world’s military spending. That is just how seriously we take freedom and it is a measure to the danger we face every day in Niger and Mali. God forbid that their camels ever reach our shores.